Parenting often brings up deep reflections about our own childhood. If you grew up feeling unseen, unheard, or unsupported, you may wonder: How can I give my children what I never even got?
We often make sense of our experiences by balancing and attending to opposites. If sorrow arises from what was missing in your own childhood, that sorrow can be an invitation for self-inquiry rather than just a source of pain. Instead of staying stuck in what you didn’t receive, you can ask:
— What did I need as a child?
—How can I provide that for my own child?
Maybe you longed for more patience, more affection, or more freedom to express your emotions. By recognizing those unmet needs, you can be intentional about how you show up for your children: offering validation where you once felt dismissed, providing consistency where there was instability, or creating a sense of safety where fear once lived.
But there’s another important piece: practicing the ability to receive. If receiving care, support, or love wasn’t a familiar experience growing up, it can take active practice and openness to allow it in. Start with a trusted person in your life: a friend, family member, neighbor, colleague, teacher, or therapist. When they offer kindness, encouragement, or support, pause and really take it in. Notice how it feels in your body. It is okay if it doesn’t feel comfortable at first. That is so understandable if all of this feels very new to you. Please be patient and make room for the discomfort that arises, too. There are no “bad” feelings, no matter how uncomfortable some emotions can be they still serve an important function in our lives.
You can also cultivate this skill through Loving Kindness meditation, which helps develop openness to giving and receiving love and compassion. As you strengthen your ability to receive, you expand your capacity to extend that same warmth to your children.
Loving Kindness Meditation by Tara Brach
This isn’t about being a perfect parent. It’s about being a present and attuned one. Even small shifts such as listening without judgment, offering comfort, validating emotions, or encouraging self-expression can make a meaningful difference. And in the process of giving your children what you never had, you may find healing for yourself as well.
Breaking generational cycles takes awareness, effort, and self-compassion. If this journey resonates with you, know that you’re not alone—and the work you’re doing matters, even when it feels daunting at times.
Are there ways you’re consciously parenting differently from how you were raised? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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